In honour of Earth Day I am sitting by the pool enjoying the glorious Florida sunshine. Gwennie is splashing in the pool pretending to be either a mermaid or a whale. I am constantly being requested to take a look at what she’s doing. I am amazed at her incessant chatter. It’s as though her little brain goes 100 miles an hour constantly. It can be a little tiring but she is so damned cute! Now that I am working I think I enjoy, and appreciate more, our times together. She really is such a joy and a blessing!
It’s been 2 1/2 years since we lost Henry and I have grown used to the fact that Gwennie may be our only one. I have stopped getting hopeful each month and am finally able to embrace each period with open arms rather than tears of frustration.
Not sure what happened this month but I ended up being four days late. I felt the old familiar creeping of hope in my veins. Today put a strong, resounding stop to that feeling. Am I disappointed? Yes, in a way, but in another I am not. I know that if G is our only child we will be able to give her so much more than we would if we had two children. I am such a firm believer of everything happening for a reason. I believe there is a greater plan for all of us. I want to try and go with the flow. Sometimes it is easier said than done. I can’t help but battle a feeling of loss. I am getting older and I know my time, in being able to have another child, is nearly done.
In other news, one of my knees is bothering me. After discussion with my peers it seems as though I am going too low in wide turned-out thigh. I did it 3 times in class last week and I am feeling it. I need to bring it on up. I feel it’s fortunate that I am getting a 3-day break from class to rest it a little.
barrebabe 
Hi Sarah
We’re so very very glad to know that you are coming to terms with you tragic loss. There is the saying that time heals – and it is true – but we have never felt able to say this to you. I am a fatalist and I too believe there is a greater plan. My father was quite a simple man in his thoughts – but very philisophical and kind – he was also a brave man both in the 1st & 2nd world wars – and he always said that “if there is a bullet or a bomb with my name on it – it will find me wherever I am”.
You were meant to be happy and I know you are- – with a wonderful husband and daughter both of whom you so deserve.
Now a lecture – just take the exercises a little easier for a while and let your body have a little rest. You know that I believe wholeheartedly that exercise is life – but you need to pace yourself occasionally. I’m sure you know all this but sometimes we all need a little reminder. Lecture over I promise.
Take care of yourselves
With lots of love to you all
Vera xxxxx
Hi Sarah,
Have enjoyed reading your blog. This section in particular caught my attention. I hadn’t realised that you had sights on another child or indeed that you and hubby had lost one.
There is such a lot to learn about parenting but wow it’s such an enriching experience along the way. I have one child and I agree with you – that there is so much more you can give one child. By give, I do of course mean give of oneself. I guess the material things do prove important, but someone dear to me once said all a child wants is some of your time !!
Bravo to you both and to YOU Sarah for your strength and fortitued and the courage to share. I doff my cap to you.
Always nice to hear from you.
An old friend from Uk Theatre school days.
Giles. x
Thank you for your kind words, Gee! I really appreciate it!
Lots of love to you!